Updated: Dec 8, 2019
It takes guts to create the life you want, versus tolerate the life you have.
In spite of all the development, the education, the advances we make, we all exist in some level of toleration. We don't truly realize just how dangerous this is. Like a prolonged erosion of your house's foundation, we never know the danger we live upon until the ground gives way and our home crumbles to the ground, often with you in it.
As dualistic creatures of habit and evolved beings that exist to outreach our grasp, it's unfortunate that pain is the motivator that moves us from the warmth of comfortability to actually change and reach for more.
We humans are wonky beings! You have to laugh at the consistent inconsistency we bring to life and also the ruts we ingrain ourselves to boring redundancy. The ebb and flow of moving closer to pleasure and away from pain is the moderator of our motivations, our compulsions and the activities that often keeps us stuck.
The desire for pleasure is a calling to action, to embrace a goal or seize an opportunity by simply grasping what is right in front of us. Tragically, this is replaced with hopeful wishing and limp conversations diluted to the mystery of luck or karma.
The avoidance of pain is an internal warning sign, our inner truth alerting us of danger so that we may champion a cause and grow stronger. Yet tragically again, we don't rise but rather numb-out with obsessive compulsions, disorderly behavior and lie to ourselves and others about the reality of our bleak situation.
So how do we REALLY create a life that is worthy of you? This is a bold invitation to set down the motivational quotes littered across Facebook from ones that pontificate about how great life is and regurgitate quotes as if it's their own. Sorry, not trying to be ugly here, but I can't take it anymore!
Here are 6 honest steps to create the life you want:
6. Get raw.
Get real and step in. That's right, you gotta first get honest with yourself about the reality of your situation AND yet, not beat yourself up. Denial is a sneaky comforter to isolate us from facing reality and RARELY can anyone self assess. This is where coaches, therapists and trained pros can gracefully guide you into a space of true understanding. THIS is the first step to massive change!
5. Start Over.
Trust me, leaving an old life, hangups and relationships behind only seems hard, yet nothing can be more empowering because you're now, maybe for the first time, embracing your own resolve. If you've not read “Self Reliance” by Ralph Waldo Emerson or “Civil Disobedience” by Henry David Thorough, I heavily recommend both of these reads among dozens of other poetical thought leaders, sages and mystics that pioneered our civilization in to the power we hold within each and every one of us.
4. Get Clarity.
Disciplines such as meditation, prayer, yoga, exercise and quality nutrition are the first steps to clearing a mind that has been bogged down by a lifetime of confusion, domestication and things we just kinda went along with and now realize no longer work for us. Now comes the bravery needed to claim what it is we want and actually form beliefs that we deserve to be happy. I personally struggled for years with believing I deserved anything good due to growing up and forming an identity around survival. I was actually proud that I survived the process of life in a more dignified manner than others and as a result, many opportunities for abundance passed me by. It was an absurd loss!!
3. Form a Plan.
There are no shortcuts. You can't go around, over or under the obstacles that are in our path, we must go through them. Forget what all the people on Facebook tell you with their constant barrage of “think happy thoughts” messages from the safety of their home computer. Instead begin looking at the ones IN the trenches, the ones too busy to call you back and listen to your stories of why you're failing and you'll find there are very, very few of us with shovels in our hands these days. We love you with great compassion, but unless you're ready to form some calluses on those hands, there is little we can do for you.
2. Eliminate All Else.
There is an old expression that goes, “You can't soar with Eagles if you walk with turkeys.” It's true, we are the sum total of the five people we spend the most time with. That doesn't mean you have to disown all your friends and family, but you CAN learn how to create healthy boundaries with those that don't share your passion for life and desire to grow, change and create. Eliminate everything that does not support your commitment, clarity and the plan you just formed. And the number one way…
1. Control Your Thoughts and Words.
Yes, I believe in law of attraction, energy, God, universal love and all those teachings that are really popular right now. What I'm talking about, however, is creating a rigorous discipline around the ONLY thing any of us have real control over…our thoughts and words. Life and death are in the spoken word (Proverbs 18:21) and everything in the universe has an energetic frequency, a vibration that migrates to it's equal match.
Want more shit in life? Presto! Just complain endlessly about all the shit around you and you'll have more of it.
Conversely, want more love and money and sex and beauty and amazing experiences?
Place your thoughts and words around such things and slowly, in time, you'll not only attract those things, you'll realize it was all around you this whole time and couldn't see it. This process will become a comical game, as if you have a new set of eyes and you're seeing everything for the first time when in reality, you're just descending from the dark clouds and seeing sunshine for the first time in the way of little victories.
Creating the life you want is not easy, and yet it's also not complicated. There are clear road maps, success clues and others along the path that are intelligently pursuing their own creations that are eager to welcome you to the tribe.
So this is an invitation. Cry your tears. Cast your smiles. Embrace the love. The ego is the only thing that is truly “alone” and it is a tenacious recruiter to it's ranks.
Make a decision, join the ones along the path of creation, the ones making change, the ones that get real and authentic with the ups and downs of life and are CHOOSING every day to create an epic life.
For a facilitated conversation about these topics and more, reach out to me at RobinAustinReed.
**Picture taken at Solana Beach on the afternoon of Jan 27, 2016 where I too was working through these 6 daily steps. It never ends.