You’re with the Wrong Guy and You Know It.
Why do you stay with him and how did a sexy goddess like you even hook up with him in the first place?
I get that you’re lonely and just want a boyfriend, but really, THIS, is what you’ve settled for in the name of romance and love?
You’re missing out!
Good men idly stand near because we refuse to rescue you from your own poor choices. We shake our heads at you, in sadness really.
We want to be with you, but we can’t.
Because you’re not ready for us — you’re still dating the bad boy, the total douche bag.
You know the type: arrogant prick in high school, jock-kinda guy that masked his own insecurities with sports performance and a cool car gifted from his parents, sexing his way through girls at drunk fraternity parties.
He shows up exactly the same when he’s older, just a little more sly.
The inappropriate comment, the misogynistic tone, the disrespect to your dreams, if he even knows what they are.
He doesn’t ask what YOUR needs are because he assumes he meets whatever needs you have by him simply existing. Even asking what your needs are is completely foreign to him and he would see as a sign of weakness.
He’s the poster child for the unhealthy masculine, vacillating between the extremes of the male archetypes:
The Weak or Tyrant King
The Impotent or Addicted Lover
The Sadistic or Masochist Warrior
The Detached or Denying Magician
You’re nothing but a trophy for him, a prop to his feeble ego identity — you exist for him.
Without you, he’d crumble because for his identity to remain intact, he must show the world he can do three things:
Gain symbols of prestige.
Get an attractive mate.
Don’t blame him because it’s all primal really — society conditions men to compete aggressively in these three areas for their survival. It’s in our DNA until someone comes along and teaches us differently.
That someone used to be the wise elders in our tribe, but men aren’t in tribes anymore, we’re quickly separated at youth and taught how to compete in the “real world.”
Our fathers don’t know and simply hand down their toxic legacy to their sons and the process repeats into the generations, leaving trails of wreckage in our businesses, our bodies, and our women.
Stop looking for a man of wealth, stature, or fame and instead, look for a partner involved in active Men’s Work.
They often label this man as a “pussy”, “weak”, or “gay” at first glimpse, and it may tempt you to think the same thing.
But look closer.
Despite competing well in the areas of men, they have labeled me all these things and more in my quest to uncover my heart and live authentically. It’s a grueling and never-ending process.
“You’re so sensitive.” they’ll tease, as if being connected to our sensual perceptions is wrong.
This man is quieter in his business, slower in his affections for you, and moves with a deep, assured confidence that is often missed.
We are a group of men that huddle in circles of accountability, action, and healing to live the highest version possible of ourselves.
We have ONE thing to say to you:
Please don’t settle.
Not with a life you don’t enjoy, a job where you’re not valued, a friend that isn’t real and especially not with him.
Don’t settle for his silly excuses, his fear-filled disappointments, and especially in the ways he treats you as less than you are.
You exist as both kind and gentle, strong and independent, sweet and smart, yet a longing smile fades as he turns away to wink at the other girl that he conceals from you, calling her a “friend.”
Every excuse you make for him weakens your stature, lessens your resolve, and robs you of an effervescence that dims when he’s near.
You wake to his 3 am drunk texts he calls affection, fast food he thinks is a value meal and cheap sex he thinks is intimacy and you think is a relationship.
Don’t settle for anything less than hands that caress your skin, arms that hold you tight, shoulders that bare your tears and eyes that gaze deeply into your eyes, piercing your soul.
You deserve to be loved well, the spine-tingling love that makes you melt, reconnecting you to your innocence at the mere sight of him.
Don’t settle for a man that whispers his lies in place of bold truth that lays gently on your heart.
Don’t settle for cheap love and expensive consequences for lack of standing up, letting your hair down and being wild and free.
I see you cry inside, hidden tears that rot your heart and diminish your identity, constantly giving of yourself thinking that one day, he will change and love you the way you desire.
Occasionally, you break free of him and shine so brightly, as if for just a moment you’ve untethered yourself from the anchor that keeps you bobbing just below the surface.
Your laugh lights up the room and I silently cheer for you, “yes, that’s it, show us who you are. Adjust that crown and take your place in the world as a Queen.”
But then you remember his words that he planted deeply on your soul. The labels, roles, and titles given to you to elevate his position and prop up the foundation of his weak kingdom.
I want you so much and yet, I can’t draw near, because he dims your light, robs your soul and steals your beauty.
While a good man is worthy of crying for, such a man will never give you a reason.
A good man wants you when you feel fat.
A good man wants you when you’re emotional.
He may not always know how to tell you how he feels, but he’ll never abandon you for fear of sticking it out and seeing what’s next.
Adjust your crown, stand tall, and affirm yourself that you deserve the love you want and desire because once you do, he will see you.
He will trace the lines of your body gently, he will kiss you softly and desire to align his life with yours, making both better together.
I know you might be lonely, clock ticking, wondering if love will find you.
Trust me, you won’t spend your days alone. He will come.
My lovely woman. Please don’t settle with him. Please.