Dating has become this ritual of activity, full of varying opinions and discussions on an exchange between two people, all for different reasons and to determine compatibility. But I have to ask, compatibility for what? What if we stopped this ritual and instead began to creatively connect, to evocatively explore and sought for nothing more than the satisfaction of knowing, truly knowing someone?
Curiosity, as the uber superpower of human interactivity, keeps us from the judgment that often sabotages and limits our encounter before the energy of our attraction can ever manifest. Explore the idea with me that there is a more enjoyable way to find and form compatible life partners and why traditional dating, well…it totally sucks.
6.) The pressure to perform is so intense, you rarely ever see the REAL person due to being overly consumed with what the other person is thinking.
5.) Many (if not most) men are so visual, that a woman dressed sexy for a date completely unnerves them in over stimulation and they become fumbling idiots making them come off as “creepy” and makes the girl feel uneasy.
4). There is an impression to be installed. Like taking a book off a shelf, we do a quick six-second read on our partner and pull the book we feel the other person will most want to consume. Of course, we're only guessing because we haven't actually ASKED what our partner would like or...
3.) Based upon traditional rules of “man-always-pays”, dating is expensive. An actively social man can spend hundreds of dollars per week, maybe more, entertaining various partners searching for true love or someone of compatibility.
2.) It can be physically unhealthy. The bar scene is exhausting, usually starts late which sucks if you're a working professional and, especially as you get older, alchol is terrible for the body.
And the NUMBER ONE reason…
The let down. Uugh! If you just do NOT have chemistry with someone, most people make promises to see them again with promises to call leaving the other person let down as you dropped into the land of the No-Call-Back.
It's killer on our self esteem when we like someone and the feelings aren't returned.
So what do you do? You want to meet people, networking is exhausting and online dating keeps you in front of a laptop overly consumed with the spell checker and you're still going to bed alone after too much wine cuddling with your dog.
Here is a list of AWESOME dates ideas that will allow you to conveniently explore a possible love connection.
1.) Find at least ten local (not Starbucks) coffee shops in different areas around your local city. Bonus points if the coffee shop also serves food and stays open late serving local brews with a three person band. Explore each one of them and meet the owner and know the story of how the place went into business. Become a regular and get IN to the community.
2.) There will be times when a cocktail is the perfect end to a hectic day and your companion will appreciate you inviting them into a great experience. Like the coffee shop, find five or six local places (no, not Applebee's or Chili's guys) that have career bartenders. Learn their names, shake their hands and tip them wonderfully. A career bartender will appreciate this, get you a seat during busy times and make you both feel wonderful. (And it's just classy)
3.) Create three or four adventure activities you're comfortable with. Paddle boarding is great, a good workout and not overly strenuous. You're surrounded by water, getting some sun and allows you to be playful with each other. (save more intense activities like zip lining and downhill mountain bike racing for future dates once you've evaluated your partners physical abilities. Hospitals and broken bones are not sexy.)
4.) Parks, Museums, Natural Gardens, Tours, Restaurant Openings, Shows, Plays and Symphonies are all golden! They provide a non-threatening way to connect without having all the attention be solely on you. Having activities you can appreciate together is the best way to get to know someone's personality and explore compatibility. (not movies or anything that creates a solitary experience.)
5.) Guys, ask her to go to the mall with you and help you select a perfect cologne. ONLY, I repeat ONLY do this after you've sheepishly admitted to her you're making some changes in your life and would love her opinion. Women love to give their opinions and it shows vulnerability that you're asking for help. (Yes, women love that even more!)
6.) Women, these guidelines and suggestions apply to you also and I encourage you to let go of any old school beliefs that women don't ask men out. It's simply not true and men also love to be approached. I'm constantly asked out and I admire a modern woman that can approach a man and admit her attraction.
7.) Unless you're VERY skilled and have incredible rapport built, inviting a woman (or man) to your home for the first time is not advised. I could regularly get away with this but ONLY because I lived in a downtown luxury highrise where safety was key. If you know the same people (friends, business), this guideline can be relaxed a bit.
Lastly, watch these two movies. (ladies too!)
A New York based love doctor gets twisted up in his own advice and has an ongoing series of dates that are total disasters.
A sexy late 20 something trust fund baby (played by Ryan Gosling) coaches a middle-aged, newly divorced guy about love and how to meet women.
Both movies are required homework for anyone I've ever consulted about love, style and relationships, expecially men.
Now get out there, stop dating and create amazing connections with all kinds of people.
Email me if I can help or you have questions.