I'm a born pretender. I dazzled. I danced. I kept the show alive...a born performer.
Kept this dance up for like, I don't know...30 years, maybe more. Ya, definitely more.
Then the pendulum swung and I did nothing. Shit, all the masks I wore, wondering who the hell I was until it hit me. All I had to do was...decide. Decide who I was and live it, boldly and unapologetically.
I had to stop pretending. Pretending I wasn't scared, or that I had it all figured out. I had to be OKAY and sense that certain something special inside that I always knew was there, and even often relied on, but never really fully embraced.
I still get some critics. That's natural, right? Ya, I think so but now I don't draw the critics. Nobody is trying to prove me wrong or take me off the seat of my 10 foot tall pedestal. I can just BE...no silly agenda, no insecure act or letting the ego build up walls and pretenses to make you like me. Man, it was freedom for sure!
Then, I got even more real. Made my own decisions, proclaimed what was important to me, the legacy I wanted to leave the world, how I was going to help others...I stopped pretending. Not everyone shared my enthusiasm.
Actually, the ones that came to my support were ones that were sitting on the sidelines in my life. Friends stopped calling me. I guess I wasn't promoting the same game they were anymore, so nothing left to talk about.
Church became rhetoric and jargon, just another way of thinking to promote as "right", meaning everyone else had to be "wrong". My wife and I at the time dissolved our marriage and became friends. I changed my clothes, my jewelry, my furniture, my apartment, my car...I restructured my company, began writing, took time off, I think...ya, I think I was just healing, at a whole new level.I began to see the ART in things, everything really.
Beauty was everywhere. I manifested what I wanted with a sense of love. I found love by massive gratitude and I mean grateful for everything! Even the things I didn't particularly like. I was just grateful.
So, I stopped pretending. I stepped into my true nature and you know what?....I'm happy. Ridiculously happy actually. No longer do I need to excuse, run or defend who I am. I'm wildly passionate, I speak and write romantically poetic, I love women (and little kids), I sometimes want to be a dolphin and I dream of traveling and traversing through Europe for months at a time.
Ya, I would say life is good now that it feels REAL. No more pretending. Who knew?